Urban Tales

Presented with Théâtre Urbi et Orbi

Seven Deadly Christmas Sins

Pride, lust, greed, sloth, envy, wrath, gluttony…

For this year’s edition of the Urban Tales the flames of Hell will warm up the Holiday season as our seasoned scribes draw inspiration from the Seven Deadly Sins. Not to be missed! For mature audiences.

The Sum of My Parts

by Joanne Sarazen, told by Joanna Noyes
Christmas in Montreal. When the wind rips over the St. Lawrence River. When Old Montreal is covered in lights and angels. When every store plays “Il Est Ne, Le Divin Enfant”. We have a statuette of Santa fucking Mrs. Claus on a workbench. Christmas at the sex shop, the best time of the year.

Meat in Motion

by Greg MacArthur, told by Danny Brochu
It’s called Meat in Motion: I specialize in rodents and small mammals: squirrel, groundhog, raccoon, hamster, chipmunk, mice… everything’s fresh, local and ethically slaughtered.

Possible Gods

by Simon Sachs, told by Danette Mackay
It’s almost 4, almost evening, by the time he comes up from his lair. His dealer has left by then, taking the TV, the Espresso maker and the Wii with him. And of course I don’t know about the girl yet. I could never have guessed, never have dreamed about the girl, any girl, being down there in the basement with him.

Better to Reign

by L.M. Leonard, told by Linda Smith
And yes, I did wonder, because it’s a word Helene knows I find unpleasant. But I also know from my black friend Costa – this lovely man I volunteer with at the rescue shelter – he told me all about taking back offensive words and making them your own. An act of defiance, he calls it. But I’m just not sure the C-Word belongs in Christmas. It’s not festive. Take the C-word back on Halloween — or St Jean Baptiste Day, when everybody’s drunk – just not around the birth of Jesus.

The Better You

by Justin Laramée, told by Pier Kohl
Twenty years later you work at your plan D job at the government verifying individual’s income tax returns all day, you’re married with your plan F wife and living your plan X life. You’ve gained weight, lost hair and have no time for yourself. And when you do, you use it to hate what you’ve become.

A Rusty Nail

by Harry Standjofski, told by Paul Van Dyck
We took her car to a bar not too far. A few too many martinis. Some well-placed questions, a subtle brush of her lonely forearm. I would let her catch me staring at her and then look shyly away. Finally a long look into her eyes; clearly she hadn’t been looked at like that, with desire, in years. She could feel the fire in my chest but didn’t know what was fueling it.

Parking-lot Dude

by Yvan Bienvenue, translated by Harry Standjofski told by Jimmy Blais
Funny how Christmas (doesn’t matter how old you are)…
Christmas
If you take the time you let yourself get sucked in like a little kid:
You see some box with tinsel around it and your heart starts pumping
As though it means that someone, somewhere
Loves you

For tickets and information: www.centaurtheatre.com    514-288-3161