In some foreign cultures, not
so long ago, women entering into adulterous behaviour had their nose cut
off so the rest of the female community would know what to expect if they
broke their bond with their husband. Other cultures, still to this day,
disfigure their women if they even lay eyes on another man and thus dishonour
the family or the clan.
Centuries ago, women were burnt as the
witch-hunt we all have heard about used to be the usual and customary.
Fire was purifier of evil. Yes, women (and some men) have seen and lived
the full spectrum of tortures and overpowering attitudes common to the
ancient and non-evolved patriarchal society. So it was then.
As a woman, I am part of a gender that
was influenced forever as a result of those behaviours. Women's lib is
a reaction, a rebellion that was over due. However, I believe in some cases,
some of us have let it go way too far. Time has come for the pendulum to
swing back not only to a path of having rights and privileges but mainly
to a very profound sense of responsibility about the consequences of our
actions. Higher conscience always comes at the price of becoming responsible
and accountable. Justice and equality always require one to be responsible
for one’s own actions.
Lately, the medical world through its great
scientific discoveries and its newest findings, have unravelled a myriad
of possibilities for cures of all sorts. Amongst those findings, the almost
"bullet proof" reliability of DNA testing has helped conquer numerous deadly
diseases and solve many crimes. On the other hand, all those wonderful
discoveries have presented a key to unlock a secret that some women thought
safe forever. Let’s explore that new reality.
As a therapist and a long time researcher
in human behaviour, it appears a growing number of people explore extra-marital
sexual encounters in their life; it seems to have become the "soup du jour".
If an affair results in pregnancy, the woman can go for an abortion, that
is a decision she can make and that is the end of it. But on the other
hand, if after having the affair, she decides to keep the baby and pass
it along for her husband’s child, no one will dispute it unless she opens
up the secret or else the husband starts to have a suspicion and goes to
the lab with a simple swab of saliva from the baby comparing it to his
in order to discover the truth.
If the husband has any doubt about his
paternity, as we speak, he has 6 months after birth to contest paternity;
once that time elapsed, he is stuck to be accountable and responsible for
that child.
Let’s look at the usual reactions from
the courtroom in our so-called modern society. Forget wandering eyes and
adultery! That’s nothing! As I write these lines, in many states and countries,
a wife can bear children of a man (or men) not her husband and what happens
next is at her command!
She can divorce, kick him out of “his
family” and his home. She can then collect exorbitant spousal maintenance
(if the man is of means) and child support to spend without accountability,
she can secure a guaranteed college education for each child, she can also
collect half the marital assets; to top it off, she will have deprived
the father of his right to have his own genetic children. How does our
culture deal with her? She gets rewarded!
To this day, in spite of the growing number
of false paternity cases, the courts will close their eyes to the entire
situation with the excuse of being in the “best interest of the children”.
The children, for their own good, will be left with the likes of this woman
to be raised. And the man left on his own to mail cheques…
Some years ago, JAMA found that 20% of
their genetic testing resulted in finding the father was not the biological
father! Since early 2000, that number has jumped to 30% in the States.
Over the past 6 years, I started to research and try to understand that
phenomenon. I have gathered many testimonies from men over the world that
have been through such an ordeal of finding out one or more of their children
were not from them. They are frustrated, sad and angry. They feel “raped”
and violated to no end; and the court adds to the insult by forcing them
to pay the bill.
Not much has been done so far to rectify
this situation. In some location, steps have been taken, as in the state
of Georgia in May of 2001, following the constant efforts of Carnell Smith
and his group of men http://www.paternityfraud.com, who also have been
victims of identical facts. They finally saw a new law born. “From then
on, a woman who lies to her mate about his biological reality regarding
the children will be accused in criminal court.”
But Georgia is the exception. I invite
you to reflect on the consequences that our legal system creates and promotes
in overlooking such a rampant reality. Having a child born in a marriage,
fathered outside the couple is becoming a plague and the detrimental consequences
are unlimited.
Women engaging in such behaviour may now
feel secure with this situation because of the power they have in the courtroom
– but this arrangement has no place in a society that wants to promote
values that will stand the test of time. The long-term solution cannot
have at its core hiding the truth and infringing on the fundamental rights
of fathers.
There must be something done in that regard.
These men are real victims and ultimately, the children as well. Whether
their role has a grander, unknown and spiritual mission than one can fathom,
it is no reason to do nothing and just sit and watch it happen.
In a book filled with testimonies of defrauded
fathers all around the world, I propose many solutions. Some will be booed
by thousands of lawyers for they risk loosing a wonderful money tree that
divorce court secures for them, and at the same time, welcomed by a majority
of other lawyers who have shared their intimate thoughts with me in agreeing
that divorce should not be handled by any court as we know it now in our
society. The radical women’s lib will want to put me in jail as well. I
feel above such accusations.
I urge our society to investigate the
unintended results of our current laws and look for solutions that will
rectify the ongoing injustices. Right now, we promote a distorted set of
beliefs in handling the father’s legitimate right to bear and raise his
own children. From the outsider’s point of view, it would seem that women
enjoy all kinds of rights and these men end up with responsibility of other
consenting adults’ actions. As one of my correspondents shared with me:
“How come if a drunk driver smashes through my house I can sue him and
win and when another man sleeps with my wife and gets her pregnant, I become
responsible for him?”
History shows us how laws had to be set
in order to stop slavery of all kinds. No one would think in our days of
enslaving coloured people and whip them to work! Why does anyone can think
they can enslave non-biological fathers.
Dear Reader, I await your comments and
invite you to fill in the surveys that are linked to this article. Your
input is valuable to help me continue my research in that regard.
One thing certain, you have not finished
hearing from me. In the meantime, I offer all my compassion to those defrauded
fathers and my sincere wish that those mothers finally healed why and what
led them to commit this inhumane act to defraud a man of his child.
Visit: http://www.dnadefraudedfathers.com/survey
Go to the following link and fill in the
survey that is pertinent to your situation and help me gather some more
thoughts about how you feel this situation should be handled in our society.
I wrote a book for those who want to explore this reality deeper.
I have looked at the court system and the games that keep on going, I have
looked at the children who find out their truth and all the ramifications
such realities can engender.
The paternity secret may be kept. But all
too often, it is not. It may be discovered through a blood type that does
not match or an organ that cannot be donated. Ultimately, the mother may
not be able to keep the secret and finally let it out in a drunken destructed
moment. Someone in her close circle of secrecy may violate the confidence.
And how would it be if one day you discovered that your spouse is half-sister
or half-brother?
What would you wish to happen if you found
out you were that defrauded man?
Until my next article, I wish you all the
Blessings your heart desires!
Warmly:
Pauline Houle
Therapist – Author.
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